Torn

I am a lost soul

Trapped, wandering through this life

Some where deep in this black hole

Full of misery & strife

Is it normal to be so torn

Between what is right & wrong

Unable to stay in control

Trying to break free from the devils hold

Knowing that most of my actions were bad

Because the guidance was mis-judged

A spiralling, never ending fad

where the boundaries have become smudged

How do I decide which path to take?

Never knowing what is real or fake?

It has to be more than just taking a chance?

But how do I find my rightful stance?

Will the answer come to me in my dreams

Will it show itself in the dark?

It's not as easy as it seems

This living a 'normal' life, lark!



Alone in the Dark

I am one with the dark

Nothing but cold in my heart

With each tear, a mark

As sharp as a dart

Will the pain ever go away?

I pray it will, please soon

Before my mind starts to stray

& I turn into a loon

There's little comfort in my hope

But I know I don't want dope

Just a chance to elope

To somewhere I can cope

I will not be defeated!

I will not let it win!

It will not be repeated!

I will not let myself sin!

Life without H will be bliss

The addiction I will not miss

Only my sweet lovers kiss

But that is a sorrowful myth

H is not faithful & true

It destroys you more with each hit

But you wont have a clue

Your soul; it will drain every last bit.

Until your left alone, in the cold

With nothing but a hole

All your possessions are sold

& your love, no longer so bold

Take the chance while you can

Run fast & don't look back

Run faster than you ever ran

Away from the evil smack!



Constant Reminder

The silence is deafening hear in the dark

Yet I hear only my thoughts

I look at my arm & shudder at the mark

Lots of crosses but no noughts

They didn't physically hurt

The marks on my arm

They are clean & free from dirt

But I never thought I would self harm

The scars are a reminder

For all those years

Spent on the wrong side of kinder

7 long years of pain & tears

Would I remember without them

Of course

Stuck in the back of my throat like phlegm

full of remorse

People ask, Why do it?

I don't really know

A problem that couldn't be fixed

When feeling so low

Would I do it again?

I hope not

Next time I will turn to a friend

to loosen the knot

Dirty Old Man

Your weary Brow shows your Age,

But your not Weak when you Rage,

The wrinkling Frown lines

Match winding grape vines

Your words were not subtle

When you Exploded like a space shuttle

With objects & fists you were Handy

Definitely not sweet like Candy

Your venom came from Deep

It would leave me in a heap

There were things I didn't want to do

Like attempt to Suffocate You

So that's why I left,

You dirty old Pest!!

Click on the picture to find out who he is..... !?

Dark Angel

This picture represents my alter ego, my dark side or my dark angel.

It is a poster that I have on my bedroom wall, alongside my

good 'pixie' angel.

Dark Times

Here I lay in wait,

It is getting quite late,

I pray the Lord my soul to take!

Will it be the morning I make?

At dawn when I wake?

Oh for goodness sake!!

I know it's late at night,

I've become a dreadful fright!

Afraid of shadows cast by the lamp light..

I'm awfully tired & so need to sleep,

I here the distant bleeting of sheep,

Off to my slumber I want to fall so deep..

I tried so hard to relax

even whilst my skin felt like melted wax

Until my legs started & needed a wack!

My body is so hot!

I'm about to blow my top!

Will this torture ever STOP!?

Well I believe it should?

Of course it would!?

All I wanted was a hug.. !?

I was on the edge,

Hanging on to the edge,

Desperately searching for a ledge..?

I knew I was to blame,

For feeling so lame,

Just like I knew I would when this time eventually came!